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Everyone argues, but not everyone argues well.

Watch, as four families learn to #SeeItDifferently

MADDIE’S FAMILY

How to see it differently


What goes wrong for Maddie’s family?  

In the first part of the clip, Steph complains about the mess in the house. Kieran ignores this and tries to get Steph to join in the fun: “We made cakes.”  

But Steph wants to be heard: “You couldn’t do one thing.”  

Steph is CRITICAL and Kieran is DEFENSIVE. This is a common situation but, instead of resolving it themselves, they ask Maddie:

– “Do you remember when I cleaned the kitchen?”
– “Did your dad clean the kitchen? Properly?”  


Maddie has been put in the middle of the argument. She may worry that whatever she says will make things worse.  

Could something like this happen in your family? What could you do differently?  

In the second part of this clip, Maddie’s parents take responsibility for how they are feeling.  

They use some important skills:  
– STOP: See it through their eyes
– DON’T MAKE EXCUSES: Say how you feel  

Kieran reassures Maddie. Instead of trying to defend himself, he talks about what happened: “The day got away from me”.  

This allows Steph to stay calm so that both parents can talk about what is bothering them. 

The conversation ends with Kieran and Steph agreeing on a way to move forward.  

How might this be better for Maddie? If something like this comes up in your family, what skills could you use to help resolve things and move forward?

JAG’S FAMILY

How to see it differently

What goes wrong for Jag’s family? 

In the first part of the clip, Ravi and Amrita are both worried about money, even though they don’t say so straightaway. When Ravi says, “Everything all right?”, he seems annoyed. 

It also sounds like Amrita is not happy about Jag’s new trainers: “What are you wearing, sweetheart?” 

They argue about money in front of Jag. They even ignore him when he tries to show them his drawing.  
– “It’s not like we can afford them.”
– “I can provide for my own child, thank you.” 

Jag hears his parents arguing and runs out of the room. 

Could something like this happen in your family? What could you do differently? 

In the second part of this clip, Jag’s parents talk about what is really going on.This time, they don’t put Jag in the middle. 

They use some important skills: 
 STOP AND THINK. What else is going on?
STAY CALM 

Ravi takes a moment to think about what might be upsetting Amrita: “What’s going on, Am?” 

This helps Amrita to stay calm. She tells Ravi about a job she didn’t get. 

This conversation ends with Ravi and Amrita comforting each other. What difference does this make for Jag?

If something like this comes up in your family, what skills could you use to stay calm? How could you stop and think about what else might be going on? 

MAHMOUD’S FAMILY

How to see it differently

What goes wrong for Mahmoud’s family? 

In the first part of the clip, Naz tries to get Syed’s attention: “Such a shame when everyone can’t be present for dinner.” 

Sometimes when we think of conflict, we think about arguments and shouting, but it can be just as harmful to withdraw, or give each other the silent treatment. 

Notice how both parents ask Mahmoud the same question but don’t get an answer: “How was school today, Mahmoud?” 

When Syed leaves the room, Naz shows how she is really feeling, but Mahmoud is the only one there to see it: “Oh, for goodness’s sake!” 

Could something like this happen in your family? What’s it like when there’s a problem that nobody talks about? 

In the second part of the clip, Naz speaks up and Syed listens. 

They use some important skills: 
– SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
– STOP AND THINK. What else is going on?

Naz tells Syed why she is upset: “I spend most of the day alone.”  

Syed makes the effort to be more present. He even tells his mum he will call her back later. 

The scene ends with the family having dinner together – there are even some smiles. 

What difference does this make for Mahmoud? If something like this comes up in your family, what kind of questions could you ask to find out what’s really going on?

CHLOE’S FAMILY

How to see it differently


What goes wrong for Chloe’s family?  

In the first part of the clip, Amy snaps at David because he has taken Chloe to get her hair done. David laughs it off: “She looks great.”  

But Amy is really upset about the lack of communication: “That’s not the point. You should have told me.”  

It quickly becomes an argument about David’s new partner, and then David and Amy arguer about what will happen to Chloe:  
“She’s not going away with you for half term.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course she is.”  

Chloe is left worrying that she’s done something wrong. She doesn't know what will happen to her.

Could something like this happen in your family? What could you do differently?  

In the second part of the clip, Chloe’s parents have the same disagreement, but they put Chloe first.

They use some important skills to help things go better:  
– STOP: Stay calm
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY  

Amy still speaks to David about the lack of communication, but not in front of Chloe: “Why don’t you go and unpack?”  

David talks about a time when Amy didn’t tell him about a sleepover. Amy could argue back but she chooses to stay calm.  

The conversation ends with both parents agreeing to talk to each other more.

How might this be better for Chloe? If something like this comes up, what skills could you use to stay calm and sort things out?

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