When we argue with our partner or ex-partner, we can get caught up in the heat of the moment. At times like these, it’s difficult to find a way forward.

We want to help you see things differently, and do things differently.

Jag’s parents are worried about money. What else might be going on for them?

Chloe has had her hair done. But what are her parents really arguing about?

Maddie is put in the middle of her parents’ argument. Are they only upset about the cake?

Mahmoud’s parents aren’t really talking. Can silence be just as bad as shouting?

Could something like this happen in your family?

You might have come away with some helpful ways to see it differently.
You might have had some doubts. 

See what you think after watching these videos:

It wouldn’t work like that


Here’s what we learned in the video:

You might think things wouldn’t happen so quickly, or that it’s not worth trying to make a change on your own. But if you sort things out calmly, children can learn that there’s a better way.

If you make the first change, it’s easier for your partner to react differently. And it’s better to have one calm parent than none.

Like anything new, you might not get it right the first time. But you can keep practicing and eventually it’ll get easier.

The key is to STOP. Think about what else might be going on. And if you can’t stay calm, take a break.

It’s different in my family


Here’s what we learned in the video:

Every family is different, but anyone can try these ways of doing things. Your children will feel the benefit.

Stay calm. Take a breath. Count to ten. When you’re calm, it’s easier to find a way forward.

Stop and think. What else might be going on for the other person?

Say how you feel. Don’t wait for the other person to pick up on your hints. Talk about what’s bothering you.

“But I'm separated from my child’s other parent.”

Even if and your child’s other parent are separated, you still need to be able to communicate.

While you may not be a couple anymore, you are still both parents together.  It might not be easy to find new ways of doing things with your ex, but you can still make things better by remembering the tips from the videos:

STAY CALM

STOP AND THINK

SEE IT DIFFERENTLY

Remember that when you stay calm, your child feels the benefit.

You and your ex may need to have difficult conversations sometimes. When you need to sort things out, it’s still best to do it calmly. If you’re finding it too difficult, wait to have those conversations when you child isn’t around.

So what now?

Get extra help

If you would like more support, we have a list of organisations who can help – whether you're parenting with someone or separated.

Talk to someone

Want someone to talk to? Chat with one of our listeners through our private and free web text service – the Listening Room. More information below.

Give your feedback

We hope this website is is useful for you personally. If you'd like to tell us what you think, we'd love to hear from you.

Chat with other families

Are you trying out some of the tips we’ve talked about? Do you have another way? Perhaps you’re facing a different problem. Share your experiences below.

Get more help

The Listening Room

Want to talk to someone? OnePlusOne offers a free messaging service where you can chat to a trained listener about your relationship. It’s completely anonymous and you won’t be asked for any personal information.

All you have to do is register with Click and then check for available bookings in the listening room.

GO TO THE LISTENING ROOM

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